Life at Twenty Something
When I was younger, I really believed that I would do something so meaningful in my life by the time I reach 20 but here I am now, still trying to figure things out. Yes, yes. I know I'm still quite young but I seriously thought that at this age, I'd already be able to change the world.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I haven't done something great in my existence. I just thought I could do something greater but sometimes I feel like all the walls around me are caving in and to be honest, I just let them. I just let myself get stuck because I don't know the first thing to do to escape. And when it gets dark, I regret not doing something before the big collapse.
I spend most of my nights trapped in my own brain, smoking, and trying to figure out how to escape from the maze I put myself in... and then I would feel hopeless again and just accept the fact that maybe I really am meant to be stuck.
And then I would remember my mom, my sisters, my friends and my home. They're all far away from me and I miss them so much and I wish I could be with them all the time but I can't because I am in a far away place trying to get my shit together... trying to grow up and become the person I am meant to be... or at least the person I believed I was meant to be 10 years ago.
Each morning, I tell myself that I am lucky to be here. You know, not everyone gets to be in my place at a young age so I should be thankful for this. I carry around that thought inside my head just to get me through the day. But as soon as my back hits my bed, I fall apart again.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I haven't done something great in my existence. I just thought I could do something greater but sometimes I feel like all the walls around me are caving in and to be honest, I just let them. I just let myself get stuck because I don't know the first thing to do to escape. And when it gets dark, I regret not doing something before the big collapse.
I spend most of my nights trapped in my own brain, smoking, and trying to figure out how to escape from the maze I put myself in... and then I would feel hopeless again and just accept the fact that maybe I really am meant to be stuck.
And then I would remember my mom, my sisters, my friends and my home. They're all far away from me and I miss them so much and I wish I could be with them all the time but I can't because I am in a far away place trying to get my shit together... trying to grow up and become the person I am meant to be... or at least the person I believed I was meant to be 10 years ago.
Each morning, I tell myself that I am lucky to be here. You know, not everyone gets to be in my place at a young age so I should be thankful for this. I carry around that thought inside my head just to get me through the day. But as soon as my back hits my bed, I fall apart again.