Once upon a time, I wrote about you.
In 2011, I wrote Little Things About You which is by far the longest unfinished novel I have written. Reading it again brings so much memories... my memories.
Nobody has ever read this novel but I feel like sharing bits of pieces of it tonight...
For a diner that was in the middle of nowhere, Ambrosia Mousike was a nice place. It had an 80’s rock and pop music vibe. Air Supply, The Cure, Def Leppard, The Eagles, Foreigner, John Lennon, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Bon Jovi and a lot more posters and frames were hanging on the right wall.
There were guitars, drums and microphone stands in the middle of the place. The chairs and table looked modern but the red and silver color complimented the theme of the diner. On the left side were shelves filled with vinyl albums. It reminded Monique of her room. Behind the counters was a big sign that said “On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame. Turning and returning to some secret place inside. Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say, ‘Take my breath away’.”
“Berlin.” she mentioned the name of the band and smiled. It was a happy place. She somehow felt safe.
-----------------
Monique took a deep breath. “Well, okay,” she paused for a while and looked down. “I like a guy. And he’s not just an ordinary guy. I mean, he’s amazing. And even if he doesn’t know it, he saved me,” she looked at the woman smiling at her. “Before I met him, I was a mess. My boyfriend broke up with me. I hated my job. I hated the people at home. I was an emotional wreck,” she started making hand gestures. “But when I see him smile, things become a little less complicated, you know? It’s as if things would be better. His smile,” she paused and looked out the window, she was smiling. “He has the most beautiful smile.”
-----------------
“You fight for love, Monique. You fight for the person you love. You can’t expect someone to give you his heart just because you want it.”
“I can give him my heart if he wants it.”
“You said he saved you from pain and sadness. Therefore, he gave you a reason to fall for him, to love him. Have you given him any reason to love you back?”
Monique didn’t answer. She tried remembering the nights she spent with Vincent.
Did I give him any reason to fall in love with me? She asked herself.
She remembered those times she pulled herself away from Vincent. She remembered those times she didn’t look him in the eye when they were talking. She remembered those times when he would talk and she wouldn’t listen.
No. She answered herself.
-----------------
As she was walking towards Vincent’s porch, she dropped the CD and froze. Reality grabbed enough hold of her and slapped her on the face. Is this real? She asked herself. She could feel the heat in her eyes. It wasn’t an alien feeling. She knew she wanted to cry but she tried to hold back her tears. Vince turned to her. The look in his eyes when he saw her standing there was inexplicable. They looked into each other’s eyes. She couldn’t tell what Vince was thinking but she was sure that he knew she was hurting. But she just stood there. Monique couldn’t move a muscle. She was struck with remorse at the wonderful relationship they could have had. It had ended even before it started at Vincent’s porch.
-----------------
“I,“ Monique couldn’t find the words to say. “I will,” she took a deep breath, looked into Vincent’s eyes and held his hand. “I will fight for you Vincent,” she looked away. “Someday.” she added. She let go of his hands and ran to her car.
-----------------
“That’s the thing about love, honey. It’s not easy to handle. And the pain you feel? It’s there because you truly love the person.” Ruth said.
Pain was not a whole new concept to Monique. It had always been something she had to deal with every time she falls in love. But with Vincent, it felt different. Felix was her great love but Vincent was her soul mate, she felt it in her heart.
-----------------
They would be incredible together. But chance fell short on them… on her.
Monique stood up and went to the shelf behind Ruth. She didn’t say a word.
“Darling, it’s up to you if you will nurture that feeling,” Ruth kept talking. “It’s up to you if you are going to do something about it or just keep it all inside and hope that time will erase it,” she paused for a while. “Because you are scared that it will just cause you pain and in the end, the person who was once just a stranger will go back to where he was… the crowd of people you do not know.”
When Monique reads a book, she marks the lines that she can relate to. In Looking For Alaska, the lines she marked were “I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”
Monique felt her heart dropped when she realized that the boy and the girl in the book were like her and Vincent. Except she was Miles, the drizzle. Vincent was Alaska, the hurricane.
“I was drizzle, she was hurricane.” she read out loud. “Vincent is hurricane.” she added.
Nobody has ever read this novel but I feel like sharing bits of pieces of it tonight...
For a diner that was in the middle of nowhere, Ambrosia Mousike was a nice place. It had an 80’s rock and pop music vibe. Air Supply, The Cure, Def Leppard, The Eagles, Foreigner, John Lennon, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Bon Jovi and a lot more posters and frames were hanging on the right wall.
There were guitars, drums and microphone stands in the middle of the place. The chairs and table looked modern but the red and silver color complimented the theme of the diner. On the left side were shelves filled with vinyl albums. It reminded Monique of her room. Behind the counters was a big sign that said “On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame. Turning and returning to some secret place inside. Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say, ‘Take my breath away’.”
“Berlin.” she mentioned the name of the band and smiled. It was a happy place. She somehow felt safe.
-----------------
Monique took a deep breath. “Well, okay,” she paused for a while and looked down. “I like a guy. And he’s not just an ordinary guy. I mean, he’s amazing. And even if he doesn’t know it, he saved me,” she looked at the woman smiling at her. “Before I met him, I was a mess. My boyfriend broke up with me. I hated my job. I hated the people at home. I was an emotional wreck,” she started making hand gestures. “But when I see him smile, things become a little less complicated, you know? It’s as if things would be better. His smile,” she paused and looked out the window, she was smiling. “He has the most beautiful smile.”
-----------------
“You fight for love, Monique. You fight for the person you love. You can’t expect someone to give you his heart just because you want it.”
“I can give him my heart if he wants it.”
“You said he saved you from pain and sadness. Therefore, he gave you a reason to fall for him, to love him. Have you given him any reason to love you back?”
Monique didn’t answer. She tried remembering the nights she spent with Vincent.
Did I give him any reason to fall in love with me? She asked herself.
She remembered those times she pulled herself away from Vincent. She remembered those times she didn’t look him in the eye when they were talking. She remembered those times when he would talk and she wouldn’t listen.
No. She answered herself.
-----------------
As she was walking towards Vincent’s porch, she dropped the CD and froze. Reality grabbed enough hold of her and slapped her on the face. Is this real? She asked herself. She could feel the heat in her eyes. It wasn’t an alien feeling. She knew she wanted to cry but she tried to hold back her tears. Vince turned to her. The look in his eyes when he saw her standing there was inexplicable. They looked into each other’s eyes. She couldn’t tell what Vince was thinking but she was sure that he knew she was hurting. But she just stood there. Monique couldn’t move a muscle. She was struck with remorse at the wonderful relationship they could have had. It had ended even before it started at Vincent’s porch.
-----------------
“I,“ Monique couldn’t find the words to say. “I will,” she took a deep breath, looked into Vincent’s eyes and held his hand. “I will fight for you Vincent,” she looked away. “Someday.” she added. She let go of his hands and ran to her car.
-----------------
“That’s the thing about love, honey. It’s not easy to handle. And the pain you feel? It’s there because you truly love the person.” Ruth said.
Pain was not a whole new concept to Monique. It had always been something she had to deal with every time she falls in love. But with Vincent, it felt different. Felix was her great love but Vincent was her soul mate, she felt it in her heart.
-----------------
They would be incredible together. But chance fell short on them… on her.
-----------------
“We all start as strangers,” Ruth replied. “And then we start conversing. Eventually we start actually talking and listening to each other. And somewhere along the way, we grow special feelings for that person who was once just part of the crowd.”Monique stood up and went to the shelf behind Ruth. She didn’t say a word.
“Darling, it’s up to you if you will nurture that feeling,” Ruth kept talking. “It’s up to you if you are going to do something about it or just keep it all inside and hope that time will erase it,” she paused for a while. “Because you are scared that it will just cause you pain and in the end, the person who was once just a stranger will go back to where he was… the crowd of people you do not know.”
-----------------
Monique felt her heart dropped when she realized that the boy and the girl in the book were like her and Vincent. Except she was Miles, the drizzle. Vincent was Alaska, the hurricane.
“I was drizzle, she was hurricane.” she read out loud. “Vincent is hurricane.” she added.