The Last Time

Most of us try to always remember our firsts because they seem to be significant scenarios in our lives but if you think of it, it's our lasts that affect us the most.

The last time a song made me cry, I cried because it was very beautiful. The words were amazing but I don't want to hear that song on my wedding day because that's not how I feel right now, and I probably will never feel that way. Ever.

The last time I felt beautiful was when he called me and when I turned around, the smile on his face spoke his mind. I captured his stare and smiled back and I swear, I could feel my cheeks turning red. I loved that feeling and I want it everyday.

The last time we kissed, it was like we didn't have a very bad history. Laughing with him, joking around with him, hugging him, kissing him and sleeping beside him felt so natural. It was like we never hated each other once. It was like he never stopped loving me, and that I loved him back. Always have, always will -- yeah, that feeling.

The last time I read a book, I felt like it was written for me. I saw lots of colors and familiar faces in my mind. I highlighted every line that made my heart skip a bit and those I wish I have thought of writing myself.

The last time I wrote a novel, I was in love and I was so sure the guy I was in love with was my soulmate. I picked my words very carefully. I poured my heart out on every line. But he's not my soulmate. Maybe he never was. So I stopped writing.

The last time I received an e-mail from a reader, I felt so happy because I know I am affecting someone in a good way. She told me she likes my writing and that she visits my blog every single day. I don't need millions of visitors on my website. I want readers -- those who will really take the time to read every post and feel my emotion like it was theirs.

The last time I fell in love, it hurt. The pain was something I wouldn't want to feel again so I told myself that I will not open my heart to anyone anymore. But then he came. And he is amazing.