This happens when I am in a coffee shop

I think in my whole existence, I have only experienced a terrible betrayal once and nope, I won't go into details. But yeah, there were signs that I chose to ignore because I couldn't wrap my head around the thought that these people could betray me the way they did.

Lying is one thing but concealing the truth is actually a similar story. To be honest, I would rather have someone rub the truth to my face and get hurt because of that rather than hide it from me and act all innocent. The "I don't want to see you get hurt" card is bullshit and that wouldn't keep me from feeling like I do not deserve the truth. And that's a shitty feeling, you know.

But then again, maybe it's just me. I am an open book. You can see how I feel and think by just looking at me and the way I act around you. I cannot fake emotions, not even a nice "hello!" to someone I dislike. That is why I do not know how people can even fake friendships and relationships.

I'm talking about this not because of what I've experienced in the past because I am so over that. I am talking about this because yet again, I am being betrayed. I know they mean well but that doesn't change the fact that they are lying to my face.

The moment I found out, I froze. The moment I got my shit together, I walked away, started thinking of everything and questioned every word and action. And then I stopped believing -- I stopped believing because if I don't, it would just hurt even more in the long run.

I am choosing to look out for myself, because no one will do it for me.